The Big Sad

The truth is
I can’t remember
The last time
I wrote a poem,
Wore lipstick,
Baked a cake
Just for the fun of it,
Marveled at the moon.

I can’t remember
The last time
I felt like a person
and not a production,
The last time I wasn’t
Exhausted by strength,
Just getting through.

I don’t know when
I stopped smiling,
But I know my body
Misses laughter.

I have no idea
How I got this far
Without noticing
I haven’t heard from Joy
In a while.

This world will eat you alive
And lick its fingers clean
Before you even realize
You don’t really want to die –
You just can’t imagine
Going on this way.

There has to be more love
I am trying
To have faith.

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