Glory, Hallelujah and the Universal Manager
September 27, 2019
Gosh, what was the last time I wrote a blog post? It’s been a hot minute, and I’m so glad to be back. You might notice the blog looks quite a bit different. As I prepared to enter my new job, I took down many of the personal posts from the last year. I’m still quite proud of my journey (I even wrote about it in explicit detail in my seminary application essays, but more on that later) – and I’m also very glad to have the opportunity for a fresh start. I’ve mostly been writing emails and Times for All Ages the last several months, though I’ve been itching to get back here.
“Glory, glory, hallelujah, since I laid my burdens down…”
This song has been in my heart for days. We sang it recently at the church I serve, though, admittedly, it does not quite pack quite the same punch in a room full of mostly white Unitarian Universalists. I love black gospel music. I love the movement of it, the emotion, the passion. I love to see someone put their entire heart and soul into song. There is something profound and holy about it.
“I feel better, so much better, since I laid my burdens down…”
The person I was one year ago would not recognize the person I am today, and I am glad for it. One year ago I was barely out of the closet, still unaware of what to name this deep and pressing calling in my heart, and unsure of what the future would hold.
Turns out, the future held, and continues to hold, abundance and joy beyond my wildest dreams.
In July, I moved from Knoxville to Tallahassee in a leap of faith that included a new job, a new home, and an opportunity to serve the faith tradition that I so love professionally much sooner than I anticipated. I love my job. As the Director of Religious Exploration at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Tallahassee, I get to write stories, hold babies, work with some of the most fantastic kids I have ever met, do crafts, and help parents like me bring UU values into their kids’ lives. It’s a huge task, and also a huge honor.
Because of this new experience, I have never been more sure that I was made for ministry. After many months of wavering and doubt, I finally submitted my seminary application last week. I’m excited and a little bit scared – but I was terrified to move to Tallahassee, to even apply for the job that is now mine, and it turned out better than I ever could have hoped.
“I’m goin’ home to be with Jesus Since I laid my burdens down…”
Because I am a Unitarian Universalist, I do spend a lot of time translating messages to make them relevant to my own free and responsible search for truth and meaning. Speaking with a mentor recently, I lamented the deep discomfort of this changing season I am in. Though I love my job and am glad for these beautiful changes in my life, I am also a perfectionist and a bit of a control freak at heart – not knowing what is coming next and not being able to control everything tends to stress me out.
They told me that surrender (ugh!) is the key to progress upon this path. They suggested I turn those worries that are outside my control over to a Universal Manager, trusting that they will take care of everything in a way that works toward my highest good.
The first thing I thought of was the bored, entitled women who would demand to speak with a manager in order to have their unreasonable demands met when I used to wait tables.
“I’d like to speak with the manager. No, not the spirit guides. Not the guardian angels. NOT intuition – the manager. The Universal Manager. Bring them to me now.”
But the difference between me and those women is that they largely function within a framework of otherness. They believe themselves to be separate from the power to co-create their reality, from Divinity herself. They have to speak to the manager because they’ve always existed in an ideology that tells them that someone else (usually a man if we’re being honest) holds the power.
But me? I know I have the power.
I don’t have to seek out the Universal Manager – I am the Universal Manager. I am my highest self – I just need to remember to listen to that part of myself and not my ego, my trauma, my years of social conditioning. I just need to let go and let Good Things happen.
I manifested every part of the beautiful life I am living right now. That is not to say I did not work for it – it is just to say that I worked for it physically and spiritually. I put in the hours, gained the experience, and learned the lessons that got me here – and I also set the intention that I would live a life I love.
I am presently working toward manifesting the beautiful future ahead of me. I am manifesting the learning I will do in seminary, the congregation I will be called to serve, the circumstances which will allow me to serve them, and all the good I will do along the way. I am manifesting a safe and affirming life for my child, and more love and abundance than either of us can presently comprehend.
With all that beauty to behold, how can I keep from singing?
“Glory, glory, hallelujah, since I laid my burdens down.”