There is a part of me that is untouchable by the happenings of this realm.
This is the part that healed my human form of addiction by the power of community, of an eating disorder by shamanism and energy work, that exists at the vibration of my highest good at all times. This is the version of myself that I always strive to be.
But sometimes big lessons can come from the moments we venture away from our Godde-selves.
Am I proud that I shouted, “Godde is gay!” at a bigot outside of the craft store today? Yes and no.
I am proud that my child, dressed in a fabulous tutu and firetruck shirt, knows that I will never hesitate to defend them from small-minded people who have the audacity to use one of the Divine’s names in vain as they attack them.
“Is that a boy?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Oh yes it does.”
“This is a person.”
“You’re teaching him wrong. It’s a shame against god.”
“Godde is gay!”
I am not proud that it took me a few hours to stop shaking and ruminating. I am not proud that it took me far too long to come to the conclusion that I feel bad for this woman, and she deserves compassion.
I think about the ways that Divine Love has showed up for me. I think about the soul family that was with me years before we met in person, the moments that Godde speaks to me through them, through my child, through little red birds on my back porch and dreams and pictures in the clouds, the absolute miracle that my current existence as a happy, whole individual is.
And I think, how absolutely devastating that this woman has been taught that god fits in a hateful little box.
My child didn’t even notice anything happened. They didn’t hear the woman’s comments, and me going on about how Godde is gay is a common occurrence in our home. As we walked away, I showered them with affirmations.
“You are the most brilliant child I have ever met. I love you, and the Goddess loves you, unconditionally and forever.”
But they didn’t have much to say about those statements either, because they are common occurrences in our home as well.
I am so proud of how much Henry cares about the plants in our little balcony garden, how they have the confidence to look in the mirror and say, “Oh! I’m so beautiful!” They amaze me every single day, and every time I start worrying that I’m not doing enough or they aren’t getting what they need from me, they go and do something like tell me the “germ monster” causing the pandemic just needs a friend, and I know I don’t have to worry quite so much.
The thing I’m most proud of in my parenting is that Henry knows I love them. Even when they have to sit in time out, even when I’m on Zoom meetings all day, even when I’m too tired to cook and we have cereal for dinner, when I tell them I love them, they often respond, “I know.”
I have a theory, which is almost certainly not entirely mine, that everything is love. Every single action, pattern, or thought either stems from a place of love or stems from a distance from love, and I firmly believe that Love is the energy that we sometimes call God or Godde or Goddess or the Divine.
I imagine that the woman we encountered today has been fed the version of god that is certainly popular, but nonetheless false. Any version of god that does not include love is a lie.
If something exists in a vibration that is distant from Love/Godde, it exists in a vibration that thrives on fear, thrives on hate, and generates the kind of soul-level confusion that would send anyone into a rage.
Cognitive dissonance is the psychological stress we encounter from trying to reconcile conflicting beliefs. Perhaps spiritual dissonance is the deep, unconscious stress of existing at a vibration that is contrary to our highest good – our Love/Godde selves.
So, I feel nothing but compassion for that woman, because I know from experience it is brutal to live a life that is in conflict with Love. The poison of spiritual dissonance infiltrates every aspect of our lives, even if we do not have the language to articulate it, the ability or desire to change it, or the conscious awareness of its impact.
We all have that part of ourselves that is untouched by the narratives and patterns we internalize here, that part of ourselves that is pure Love, no matter what we choose to call it. May we all have the courage and support to embrace it in whatever ways we can.
May it be so.