On Harry Potter, Hide and Seek, and the Divine
March 22, 2019
An audio version of this post can be found here.
“What you seek is seeking you.”
I said recently that when I am called to a congregation, there will have to be a committee on making sure I don’t incorporate Rumi into every service, and I was only kind of joking – and I’m only kind of joking when I say if it’s not Rumi, it will be Harry Potter.
At the end of Harry’s first quidditch game, he found the golden snitch – in his own mouth.
At the end of the series, after years of hunting horcruxes, Harry found that he had been the final horcrux all along.
Every time I think I’m starting to figure things out, I find just how wrong my mind and ego are – and just how right my soul has always been.
I have been seeking what I call Godde and others may call something else my entire life. The perceived absence of Divine love in my life led me to seek comfort in every wrong way. Of course, all these experiences served a purpose and I’m glad for them – I’m also glad to move past them.
As I become increasingly confident of my path, I’ve been thinking a lot about spiritual practice, and about balance.
As a child, my spiritual practice was playing in the woods and reading books about magic.
As a teen, it was writing.
These days, it looks more like regular cognitive behavioral therapy, a weekly yoga class, and rarely leaving home without crystals in my pockets and sage pinned in my hair.
These things help me stay connected to what nourishes me, but they are not enough to sustain my spiritual needs.
What keeps me going these days, more than frequent trips to the local metaphysical shops and constantly trying to expand my comfort zones with things like drum circles and Ostara rituals, are the fellow travelers I get to experience this life with.
I realized, to my own horror, several weeks ago that I have friends of nearly a decade whom I’ve never had a conversation about spirituality with. As I get closer to beginning seminary and become more involved with my own spiritual communities, spirituality is often at the forefront of my mind.
My mind is always in fix it mode, despite how much I know and even advise others to radically accept things as they are. My first instinct with this realization was to isolate myself as I figured out what to do – that was my first mistake.
While I was busy being stuck inside my own head, contemplating the Universe and my place in it, my human life was becoming unmanageable once more.
I keep making the mistake of believing there is any sort of destination, that once I achieve something, I do not have to work to maintain it, that I can ever have anything fully figured out.
Long story short, I’ve delayed my graduation by a semester in order to focus on being present with my son, who was just kicked out of daycare for aggressive behaviors I was convinced he had grown out of. He and I are getting ready to navigate another massive shift in our routine, and I’m once again reevaluating everything I thought I knew.
Despite all this chaos, I know everything will be ok. I know it will be ok because I am confident not only in my own abilities, but also in the fact that everything always happens in alignment with our highest good.
I know it will be ok, because I have the Universe on my side, in addition to the most amazing team of fellow travelers.
On this journey, I need the friends who, when I talk about Kundalini awakening, say “What is that? That sounds terrible!” just as much as the ones who ask if I’ve seen the rainbow serpent.
“People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don’t go back to sleep!”
In the past several months, I’ve seen Godde in my son’s innate desire to always make sure everyone else gets a cookie, too, and the way he said, “Oh no, mama sad! Call Paw Patrol save the day!” when I was crying one day.
I’ve seen Godde in the way the Universe is always aligned in the most immaculate way, bringing opportunities I never could have imagined – sometimes in the form of absolute despair.
I’ve seen Godde in the irreparably broken and bruised body of a dear friend’s child – a body which emanated inherent worth and dignity from every single pore.
I’ve seen Godde in myself, speaking words I couldn’t even consider three months ago and embracing my soul’s truest callings on the journey to my highest good.
I’ve seen Godde in a busy arcade, where I got to be a child again for about 45 minutes on a weekday morning.
I suppose finding Godde is much like playing hide and seek with a three-year-old. Everyone is hiding and seeking all at once, numbers are being skipped and nothing quite makes sense, yet everyone is laughing and the half-moon seems quite full as we come to understand what we are seeking has been there all along, seeking alongside us and finding itself already a part of our own being.
What we seek is seeking us. The Godde we long for is deep within us, buried under layers of trauma and social conditioning.
For years of miscellaneous spiritual practices, the most effective I’ve found so far is this:
Honor your truth.
Honor your Divine nature.
Honor your inner child.
Honor the same in others.
There are endless approaches to this journey, but the destination is always the same:
We all want to love, be loved, and be safe in doing so.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times,
if only one remembers to turn on the light.”